So I was reading a chapter in the Success Principles by Jack Canfield, Chapter 54. “Keep Your Agreements”. I was reflecting on my own experience with this very issue. I believe we should say what mean, mean what we say and honor our commitments. The commitments made to others as well as to ourselves.
Do you think this is true….”Your life work to the degree you keep your agreements”. (Werner Erhard). Thinking about this quote, I would answer yes. I do think when we live our life with a high level of integrity, we raise standards as to what we will accept from ourselves as well as others. If we are honorable we will only seek to connect with those that are similar. We will want our personal and professional relationships to be filled with only authentic and reliable people. The more you become someone who keeps your agreements, the more you will be able to “sniff” out those that will not. When I was selling life insurance for Northwestern Mutual, I was not the most knowledgeable rep in my peer group, but I was the most successful. One of the reasons that I believe I did so well was a simple and basic core belief that I lived. I did more than expected, sought to understand my clients and for them to know they were understood. My clients used to tell me they knew they could trust me. I knew no other way but to give the best of myself and do more than was expected. If you are in sales and reading this, please do not over promise and then under deliver, this seems to permeate so many business’ today.
“Never promise more than you can perform” Publilius Syrus
This concept of keeping agreements made is very important in business; however, keeping agreements with ourselves, that is where the magic happens, and that is where I recently have faltered. I can remember a time in my life that I was very structured, in a great routine in the gym as well as my meal planning. I was in great shape and felt very much in control. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was making myself a priority in my own life. Fast forward to today, I have my good days and my bad days. I have been keeping to my workout schedule at Orange Theory Fitness, which I highly recommend, go take a class. Where I have missed a few steps is in the nutrition department. The reality is once I let myself off of the hook it seems to be easier to do so the next time. Need to break that pattern with a pattern interrupt. How do we do that…read a book like Success Principles (or part of it), listen to motivational talks on youtube, podcasts and read some good blogs. (I hope mine is one of them). Acknowledge that you made a misstep or two…and get back on track. No need to beat ourselves up. What we need is to honor our agreements to our mind, body and soul.
EVERY AGREEMENT YOU MAKE IS WITH YOURSELF (this is from Chapter 54 Success Principles by Jack Canfield, page 360.
“More importantly, every agreement you have made is ultimately with yourself. Even when you are making an agreement with someone else, your brain hears it and registers it as a commitment. Your are making an agreement with yourself to do something, and when you don’t follow through, you lean to distrust yourself. The result is loss of self-esteem, self-confidence and self-respect. You lose your faith in your ability to produce a result . You weaken you send of integrity.” Jack Canfield
(I read this paragraph and had a few aha moments, every time I let myself off of the hook for anything I have really felt so badly for more than just that one item. After a while I can see how we can become numb to that, almost expecting ourselves to be the one that doesn’t get it done. This concept can be life changing if truly internalized and put into action).
In the book Jack uses an example about telling your spouse you will get up early to go to gym, after 3 days of hitting the snooze button, your unconscious mind gets all confused and basically stops trusting you. The end result is you lose a little bit of a the personal power that you have.
So what can we do to build on this. If you are already a person that keeps their agreements both to self and others, my guess is you are a person that is very often asked to help, volunteer and basically be a “doer” I would also take a guess that you are successful in your personal and professional life.
For the rest of us that need to work this “agreement muscle ” here are 4 tips from Jack Canfield:
1. Make only agreements you intend to keep.
2. Write down all of the agreements you make. ( it is so easy to forget, there is a study that if we don’t write something down or make effort to store in in long term memory, we can lose that info in as little as 37 seconds) So even with the best intentions, we can miss the mark on our agreements, just from being forgetful, results still the same as if we purposefully did not do them.
3. Communicate any broken agreement at the first appropriate time. (If you are going to be late, can’t attend something you said yes to, and agreements to yourself) As a side bar, (not in book) I add to this one, when we have broken and agreement with ourselves, it is the moment to reevaluate if it was indeed doable, and if so, what can we do to make sure we don’t make the same mistake. Make a plan to do it!
4. Learn to say no more often. (Jack says give yourself time to think it over)
This is from me not Jack. One line that is really helpful, especially because many of us have a hard time saying “no”, you can always try this ” I am sorry that doesn’t work for me”. (Side bar…I have coached a few of my clients that are in management with this line and they have shared with me that it is much easier to say , then “no”.)
For agreements made to self, having someone you can be accountable to is a huge benefit. I think I have written about accountability partners before. Find someone that you can text, call or email about an agreement that you made to yourself.
Accountability is where so much growth, change and success begins.
Catalyst Coach Christine 